update

Okay so with feeling very stressed out and overwhelmed with everything and crying off and on throughout the day, I decided to finally call my doctor. For those of you that don't know I had a full hysterectomy done in march of this year. I have been on hormone replacement therapy before the hyst and after. Well I guess because of the stress and such I have been sucking the hormone patch dry. So I talked to my doctor yesterday and of course started to cry, i hate it when that happens LOL. Anyway he is upping my dosage and I will be wearing two patches and see how that goes. If i feel better then great if not then I am supposed to call back and then we will see what to do next. I'm hopin this really helps because quite frankly I am tired of feeling this way and want to feel better. thanks for listening :D

Here are some more pics of my handsome boy LOL, yeah that's right i am biased. ROFLMBO


 

pics from dyllan's last home game. we got a butts whooped LOL 27-0. but i had a blast taking pics LOL. some were a little blurry but ohh well. Dyllan is now playing safety now and he likes it much better then corner back. I wish they would put him on the line like last year but his coaches said that he's too small, which i think is rediculous i mean he was one of the smaller kids on the team last year and he did awesome on the line, always getting into the back field and such. ohh well LOL


 

okay i feel better......

about all of this, thank you all who talked with me about this. It has really helped me see the big picture and that is what i wanted. This whole thing puts my sister and BIL in an awkward position as well and that is what i needed to see. so thank you everyone and thank you for being honest because that is what I wanted. I love honesty LOL it makes life so much easier. My mil said something that was really cool too, she said that i am under so much stress that even a fly hitting my forehead would feel like a train hitting me and she is right. the stress that i am under right now is going to make things feel more overwhelming then they normally would. I gotta keep that in mind before i react to things LOL. ahhh it feels soooo good to talk things through and think things through.

okay i have a question for all.....

you that read my blog. Okay so about four years ago my husband got drunk and him and his cousin got into it. mind you the cousin was also under the influence. anyway the cousin disowned my husband because of this one stupid night. first i want to say that i think disowning is just plain rediculous especially over something so stupid. I mean have we never heard of forgiving and moving on and regardless of what this cousin says it was both of them that were stupid that night. okay so i have a question. I am very close to my sister and bil, i love them with all of my heart and soul and they love us and are very close to us. now my sister and bil are not all that close with this cousin, i mean they just don't see each other all that often etc etc. no real connection there except that the cousin is family. So this cousin's wife ran into my sister at the gym and invited them to a big family bbq. so my sister said sure why not. My question is this, would you go knowing that your very close sister and bil was not invited, knowing that by you going or by you not saying "this is rediculous, please stop the disowning" is hurting your sister and bil. I mean am i being overly sensitive by being hurt by this? I mean them going certainly doesn't change my love for them but it does really hurt, because i feel (can't help what you feel) that they are saying this cousin is justified in the disowning. I need some outside opinions please. I really need to think about this objectively and need your opinions. I have already asked my mil and fil and they said that they wouldn't go. I know this is silly of me I just need some input on how to get over it LOL and what you all would do. keep in mind that my sister and bil are close to my husband and I and they aren't close to the cousin that disowned my husband. ohh and my bil is my husbands brother LOL. Okay thanks for listening and sorry if i am being silly. don't hesitate to just tell me to get over it LOL i like upfront honesty in all aspects of my life. THANK YOU :)

FAMILY......

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO YOU? come on you can tell me LOL and i mean all family, siblings, parents, kids, inlaws, you name it.

okay some good news

I will now be working weekends too for Imogene. It won't be much extra but at least it's somethin. its about 3.5 hours a day saturday and sunday. but hey its another 180 a month extra, now i will be able to pay bills, and buy food and pay for most of the gas, so just a little more mooola and i will be able to do all three and put money away for property taxes and school LOL. THINGS ARE GOING TO WORK I TELL YA LOL. okay i'm off to bed now, i'm so tired i can barely keep my eyes open :)

i'm feeling a little down

I'm not sure that i am depressed, maybe more stressed LOL. We have always struggled with money because jobs weren't what they were cracked up to be etc. Well we have been trying for a while figuring out what we should do, where we should head, what direction etc. Well we have made the leap into the electrician field. starting off the pay stinks big butt. plus we have to pay for gas to and from sac and to and from redding for his tests. i just don't know how we are going to do it. I mean i could get a full time job but then i'm paying most of what i make to childcare. so i don't see the point in that. our bills are 2250 a month not including food and gas and we only make 2400 a month. So i am not sure how this is all going to work but we have to make it work. I mean if we don't then we will be stuck in a dead end job forever, at least this job is going somewhere and when he is done we will be set, with good pay and good benefits. my hubby is a great guy and has taken a great leap and he does realize how broke we are and such, not that we haven't always been broke LOL. At his old job (termite inspector) he was a commissioned sales person and for a while the job was great, we were seeing good commission checks almost every month but since the market has slowed down his commission has slowed and we haven't seen a commission check since january, with out commission he only brought home 1800+ what i make which totals= about 2400 a month, but we didn't have to pay for gas cuz he had a company truck etc. however this job wasn't going anywhere except down, so that is why we needed to do something for our future. I'm just really scared right now. I know that we will be fine and will make it but that doesn't help the way i feel. I feel like i need to do something but i don't know what other then what i am already doing. I'm so thankful that I have such great friends online (Krista, Donna, Lisa, Joyce, Deb, Melissa, Vickie and so many others) that are so supportive and understanding, I am also greatful to the most wonderful family (mom, dad, heather, neils, and dad and sue) and friend (schelley) that i have in real life. if it wasn't for all of you I don't know what i would do. I love you all and thanks for listening and understanding and being so supportive. You are all fantastic.

a couple of shots from his last football game. i love watching these little guys LOL. they are soo adorable in there pads LOL. tryin to be all big like the pros. i haven't done any cropping or editing. these are just as is LOL i will play with them later.


 

okay i was having fun LOL. this is a shot of the moon that i took at 530 this morning. i'm still learning my camera and i only have a 300mm lens so i can't get all that close. so i decided to play with my photo program LOL. so the three pics below this main pic are of me playing with it. i love that i can crop it down and see the craters on the moon. i need to get a remote shutter thing for my camera so that i can even more reduce camera shake, that way it will come out clearer. i love my camera LOL.