well SHIT
pardon my language, but you all know i cus when i am frustrated or sad or pissed off or what have you.
imogene had a stroke yesterday when i was with her. either she had it before i got there or was having it when i was there. it's so sad, i am so sad. this was the last thing that i wanted for her. i was hoping and praying that this wouldn't happen. that she would live the remainder of her days being able to speak and possibly just pass in her sleep. i am sooo sad. i am trying so hard to think positive for her and for me. for me because today has been one month since my nephew got his wings and because well i really just need to be positive to keep my sanity.
i knew she was having a stroke yesterday. she had no use of her right arm and the time that i was there (which was about 1.5 hours) her speach got worse and worse. i just wanted to cry but i didn't. i went and got the nurse because i was concerned and the nurse saw and said what my fears were. she couldn't totally say that imogene had a stroke because she isn't a dr but that was her suspicion.
today when i saw her, her speach was worse. her speach therapist came in and told me to ask yes or no questions. she said that i could ask open ended questions but not to expect much. it hurts so bad to watch someone you love, who has been so strong even though she is old to be reduced to THIS!!!!!!!! i stayed with her for over an hour and i got her to smile a lot but i could tell she was getting so frustrated. at one point she said "pissed off" because she is so mad that she is still alive and had now had a stroke. it broke my heart to see her like this. she can't tell that she is going to the bathroom anymore. the room was stinky so i asked if she had gone to the bathroom and she said no (she is very open about this kind of thing) so i asked if she was sure and she gestured for me to check. so i checked and sure enough she had gone and didn't know it :( i am not sure how long she had been in her own crap but it was very sad for me. so i promptly let the cna's know that she needed to be changed.
all of this just sucks but i am so happy that i am there for her. i love her so much. she is like my gramma (my gramma for the short time that i was around her was not very nice). this really hurts bad but i know i can handle it. i really don't want her to be in any pain or discomfort and i really don't want her to be alone when she passes. i hope that they call me if anything changes
imogene had a stroke yesterday when i was with her. either she had it before i got there or was having it when i was there. it's so sad, i am so sad. this was the last thing that i wanted for her. i was hoping and praying that this wouldn't happen. that she would live the remainder of her days being able to speak and possibly just pass in her sleep. i am sooo sad. i am trying so hard to think positive for her and for me. for me because today has been one month since my nephew got his wings and because well i really just need to be positive to keep my sanity.
i knew she was having a stroke yesterday. she had no use of her right arm and the time that i was there (which was about 1.5 hours) her speach got worse and worse. i just wanted to cry but i didn't. i went and got the nurse because i was concerned and the nurse saw and said what my fears were. she couldn't totally say that imogene had a stroke because she isn't a dr but that was her suspicion.
today when i saw her, her speach was worse. her speach therapist came in and told me to ask yes or no questions. she said that i could ask open ended questions but not to expect much. it hurts so bad to watch someone you love, who has been so strong even though she is old to be reduced to THIS!!!!!!!! i stayed with her for over an hour and i got her to smile a lot but i could tell she was getting so frustrated. at one point she said "pissed off" because she is so mad that she is still alive and had now had a stroke. it broke my heart to see her like this. she can't tell that she is going to the bathroom anymore. the room was stinky so i asked if she had gone to the bathroom and she said no (she is very open about this kind of thing) so i asked if she was sure and she gestured for me to check. so i checked and sure enough she had gone and didn't know it :( i am not sure how long she had been in her own crap but it was very sad for me. so i promptly let the cna's know that she needed to be changed.
all of this just sucks but i am so happy that i am there for her. i love her so much. she is like my gramma (my gramma for the short time that i was around her was not very nice). this really hurts bad but i know i can handle it. i really don't want her to be in any pain or discomfort and i really don't want her to be alone when she passes. i hope that they call me if anything changes
posted by christina at 7:50 PM
3 Comments:
It is very hard seeing someone you love have a stroke and lose the ability to communicate.
It is also very hard to hide those emotions and put on a brave face.
Hugs sweetie, you really need them.
I'm so sorry to hear about Imogene. Huge hugs.
I am so so sorry about Imogene. I know you are heartbroken over this. {{{HUGS}}}
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