IMOGENE
isn't gonna make it :( she isn't eating at all (well she ate her favorite candy bar that i brought her) and just wants to die. i know that she isn't coming home. i am so sad. i can't believe how fast this all happened. i mean two weeks ago she was fine and now she looks so bad and is so weak. my heart is broken. i hope and pray that she goes peacefully in her sleep. i don't want to see her waste away to nothing and suffer at all. i am gonna miss her so much. i'm visiting her everyday and everyday she looks worse. she has thrush from the antibiotics from when she had pneumonia. this sucks.
i went and saw her today and the social worker was there and when i came in she got a big smile and reached for my hand and it brought tears to my eyes. the social worker said "ohh this must be someone special" and imogene nodded and then looked at me and smiled. this is soooo hard. i just can't get over how fast she went down hill. i know she is just tired and wants to die and she will be at peace. i don't want anyone telling me that cuz i already know that. i love her so much and this hurts like hell. she wants me to take her dog to the pound and start moving her stuff out of her house and start looking into a long term care facility. she only has 20 days in the extended care part of the hossy. i wonder if she will last 20 days? i hope not if she isn't eating. that would be horribly sad. i don't want to take her poor dog to the pound. chichi (her dog) is imogenes dog and no one elses. i wish i could take her home with me, but she is so unpredictable. dyllan and ashley know that they can't touch her and stuff cuz you never know when she is gonna snap but i have my dogs and so many little kids coming and going from my home that there is just no way that i could take her. ohh well, if chichi gets put down and then imogene dies at least they will be together.
UGGH, to much has happened TOO MUCH, i know that i will be just that much stronger BUT DAMMIT i am sick of this crap. too much grieving, to much scariness (ashley getting sick), too much money problems. JUST TOO MUCH.
i can't even describe how i am feeling.
i love you imogene, forever baby, george, and david.
you know about imogene and our forever baby. here is a little bit about george and david.
george was 89 when he died. i was living with him when i was 15 because we were homeless because my mom was a junkie. he was a neighbor of ours that we had met before we became homeless. i met him when i was 14 and we used to walk to the store together with heather and joe. he was deaf and taught me sign language and was an awesome awesome man. i loved him so much and he was there for me when i needed someone the most. then one day in the morning i am getting ready for school and he said his chest hurt. i wanted to stay home with him and make sure that he got to the doctor. he signed that he was fine and that i needed to go to school and the he would go to the doc. so off to school i went. i was worried about him all day and couldn't wait to get back home. so i got back home to his friend signing to me that he had died. i couldn't believe it and kept saying NO he was going to the doctor. he kept signing to me over and over and i wouldn't believe it. he finally wrote it down on a piece of paper and put it in front of my face to read. i was crushed. i didn't know what to do. i loved him so much. i felt so much guilt cus i shoulda stayed home and got him to the doc. i wondered around the streets for a couple hours and then my mom came driving up and i left with her, homeless in a car and having lost my best friend, my adopted grandpa.
i met david when i was 16 at one of my mom's friends house. he was a good guy. very caring and had a good heart. he was my first love even though he was much older then me. he had a disease called gamborray (sp?) and it crippled him and when i met him he was on the road to recovery. when i left the home (the 15ft trailor that my mom, baby brother and i were living in) and moved in with one of my moms friends because i just couldn't be with my mom anymore and be the mom of my little brother. i had to take a step forward. anyway i didn't last long at those ppl's house because they were not GOOD so david took me in and helped me in so many ways. anyway we both helped each other and then went our own ways but were still very good friends because we both helped each other feel more confident about ourselves. about a yr later i got a phone call from two good friends that i met through him that he had died of a heart attach. i couldn't believe it, he was so young, only 47yrs old. i was crushed, he was my first love (no we never had sex). he helped me to get on my feet and be free from my mom. i don't know where i would be today if he hadn't been there when he was.
i know what it feels like to lose loved ones and it hurts so bad. i loved them all with all of my heart. i hope and pray imogene goes peacefully and i don't want her to be alone when she goes.
i went and saw her today and the social worker was there and when i came in she got a big smile and reached for my hand and it brought tears to my eyes. the social worker said "ohh this must be someone special" and imogene nodded and then looked at me and smiled. this is soooo hard. i just can't get over how fast she went down hill. i know she is just tired and wants to die and she will be at peace. i don't want anyone telling me that cuz i already know that. i love her so much and this hurts like hell. she wants me to take her dog to the pound and start moving her stuff out of her house and start looking into a long term care facility. she only has 20 days in the extended care part of the hossy. i wonder if she will last 20 days? i hope not if she isn't eating. that would be horribly sad. i don't want to take her poor dog to the pound. chichi (her dog) is imogenes dog and no one elses. i wish i could take her home with me, but she is so unpredictable. dyllan and ashley know that they can't touch her and stuff cuz you never know when she is gonna snap but i have my dogs and so many little kids coming and going from my home that there is just no way that i could take her. ohh well, if chichi gets put down and then imogene dies at least they will be together.
UGGH, to much has happened TOO MUCH, i know that i will be just that much stronger BUT DAMMIT i am sick of this crap. too much grieving, to much scariness (ashley getting sick), too much money problems. JUST TOO MUCH.
i can't even describe how i am feeling.
i love you imogene, forever baby, george, and david.
you know about imogene and our forever baby. here is a little bit about george and david.
george was 89 when he died. i was living with him when i was 15 because we were homeless because my mom was a junkie. he was a neighbor of ours that we had met before we became homeless. i met him when i was 14 and we used to walk to the store together with heather and joe. he was deaf and taught me sign language and was an awesome awesome man. i loved him so much and he was there for me when i needed someone the most. then one day in the morning i am getting ready for school and he said his chest hurt. i wanted to stay home with him and make sure that he got to the doctor. he signed that he was fine and that i needed to go to school and the he would go to the doc. so off to school i went. i was worried about him all day and couldn't wait to get back home. so i got back home to his friend signing to me that he had died. i couldn't believe it and kept saying NO he was going to the doctor. he kept signing to me over and over and i wouldn't believe it. he finally wrote it down on a piece of paper and put it in front of my face to read. i was crushed. i didn't know what to do. i loved him so much. i felt so much guilt cus i shoulda stayed home and got him to the doc. i wondered around the streets for a couple hours and then my mom came driving up and i left with her, homeless in a car and having lost my best friend, my adopted grandpa.
i met david when i was 16 at one of my mom's friends house. he was a good guy. very caring and had a good heart. he was my first love even though he was much older then me. he had a disease called gamborray (sp?) and it crippled him and when i met him he was on the road to recovery. when i left the home (the 15ft trailor that my mom, baby brother and i were living in) and moved in with one of my moms friends because i just couldn't be with my mom anymore and be the mom of my little brother. i had to take a step forward. anyway i didn't last long at those ppl's house because they were not GOOD so david took me in and helped me in so many ways. anyway we both helped each other and then went our own ways but were still very good friends because we both helped each other feel more confident about ourselves. about a yr later i got a phone call from two good friends that i met through him that he had died of a heart attach. i couldn't believe it, he was so young, only 47yrs old. i was crushed, he was my first love (no we never had sex). he helped me to get on my feet and be free from my mom. i don't know where i would be today if he hadn't been there when he was.
i know what it feels like to lose loved ones and it hurts so bad. i loved them all with all of my heart. i hope and pray imogene goes peacefully and i don't want her to be alone when she goes.
posted by christina at 12:38 PM
3 Comments:
Oh Christina I am in tears! You have been through so much!!!! I am so sorry to hear about Imogene! I hope she goes peacefully. You have had it tough, but it seems like you have had a lot of good people in your life too. I hope things start looking up for ya! You so so so deserve it!!!! Keep your head up!!!!!! Let me know if ya need anything!
Christina...I miss you too GF. Your post has brought tears to my eyes, because I can relate to your pain. When my uncle Louis Died, i was crushed. He had been my mentor - a good guy i looked up to. That uncle that you knew loved you for who you were, who cared about what you thought and what you did. I miss him.
I am sorry you are going through this and if there's anything I can do for ya, just holler. Major hugs. xo
Sweetie, I wish I could reach in and give you a big hug. I often wonder why God takes our loved ones, its not fair.
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