Friday, May 26, 2006

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i started......

well i started writing my story of growing up LOL. so i thought i would share with you what i have writen so far. It is only up to age 7. I'm writing off and on and taking it slow. I am kinda embarrassed to put it on here LOL. Not really sure if i should. Shit i don't care who reads it LOL. I'm happy i grew up the way i did because it has taught me a lot and i wouldn't be who i am with out growing up the way that i did and dealing with all of the stuff that i did. i am a very strong person because of it.

MY LIFE....

Well shoot where do I begin. I was born in Victorville, California. My mom was in labor with me for 12 hours and I was born at 3:11am on the 25th of June. I was 6lbs 4oz’s and 19 ½ inches long. My mom and dad were not very happily married and had lots of problems or so I was told. They used to get into big fights. When I was 5months old I got really sick. My mom wanted to take me to the hospital but my dad was always gone and we only had one vehicle. Anyway I guess I stopped breathing and she called somebody to take me and her to the hospital. I had pneumonia and was kept in a crib tent for two weeks. I was put on oxygen for most of that time. The doctor yelled at my mom when she brought me in because she let it get that bad. The doctors told her I would probably have scarring on my lungs for the rest of my life because of it. Just so you know I don’t, I actually have very good lungs, I get asthma flare ups sometimes but nothing bad. I have only needed inhalers for it sometimes and its mostly exercise induced.

Apparently my dad was an alcoholic and a drug addict, although it wouldn’t surprise me if my mom was at that point too or at least getting to that point. One kinda fuzzy memory that I have when I was three was of my brother and I jumping on my parents bed. Well my brother fell and broke my dad’s glasses. My dad was very angry and I remember him storming in and spanking my brother and my mom coming in with a toy lawn mower and hitting him over the head with it. She screamed at my brother and I to go outside. We were so scared going out that front door into the big bad world, at least that is what I remember feeling at the time. I don’t remember what happened after that but my mom told me shortly after that she packed my brother and I up and we moved to Chico, California. My mom got together with my uncle Henry (yes that’s right, my dad’s brother) shortly after we moved to Chico. I really don’t remember all that much when they first got together because I was only 3 years old or so. Around the age of four is when I really remember things.

My mom and new dad (no they were not married, but he was the only dad figure in my life) would drink a lot and get into a lot of huge blow up fights. One night in particular I remember I was in bed asleep and woke up to loud noises, sounded like things being thrown. I crept out of bed and snuck down the hallway to find my mom holding the coffee table blocking my dad from throwing the television at her. I was so scared I didn’t know what to do. They didn’t even notice me standing there. They were screaming and yelling at each other, I have no idea what they were fighting about but it scared me to death. I ended up sneaking back down the hallway and crawled into bed with my little brother and tried to got to sleep. I don’t remember the next morning or what the house looked like. Probably a good thing. There were many nights like that. There were a lot of things that I didn’t know about my parents until I got older but I will talk about that at a later time.

While we lived in lalita court there were many things that happened that had a great impact on my life. One of the things that happened was when I was about 6 or 7 years old and I was outside playing with my ball. My neighbor who was about 8 or 9 came over and he asked if he could play with me. I of course said yes. So we started playing bounce back and we were having fun or at least I was. The next thing I knew he was coming straight towards me and started hitting me and pulling my hair and pushing me. I had no idea what was going on. I was so scared and was crying my eyes out and screaming from him beating me up. My mom came running out of the house screaming at him to stop. His mom came out and started screaming at my mom. They ended up getting into a fight and someone came out and stopped them but I am not sure who. That part is just one big blur. I don’t know why that kid wanted to beat me up. I mean I was only 6 or 7 years old for crying out loud but it sure made a big impact on my life. I think right then I started not trusting people and their intentions.
I never knew this because I was too young to remember, but when my brother and I were about 3 and 4 years old we went to a foster home so my mom could recover from an infection in her arm that was caused by her using drugs. I don’t really know how long we were there. I vaguely remember the foster home. From what I remember it was a farm house I believe, or something like that. I remember that there were other kids there. I remember wondering why we were here and not at home with our mom. I also remember just trying to have fun and trying not to wonder. When my brother and I were about 5 and 6 or maybe it was 4 and 5, not really sure about the age. My mom slapped my brother across the face for spilling cheerios. She called cps on herself and we went to a foster home again for a few weeks. I guess she needed a break. I remember this foster home fairly well. I know that the oldest girl played the flute and they had an albino rat. They did their best to make my brother and I comfortable while we were there. At night I felt very scared and alone but during the day we had fun. That is about all I remember.

When my brother was four years old he needed his tonsils taken out. I was so jealous of all the attention he was getting. I don’t know why, I guess maybe its normal for that age, I was only 5 years old. Maybe another reason is my mom had this friend Mary, and for whatever reason she didn’t like me. I don’t know why I guess she liked boys better. But she wasn’t very nice to me, always said things to make me feel bad. One time I remember walking to the store with her and she picked on me about me being pigeon toed. I think that I was about 6 years old at the time. It made me feel so self conscious. When I was two years old I had to wear leg braces with special shoes to help straighten my legs out because of my pigeon toes, or something like that. Anyway I don’t know how long I had to wear them, I don’t remember them at all. But her saying that to me was not very nice and it hurt my feelings so bad. As it was I didn’t think very positively about myself and she didn’t help. She was always so nice to my brother so of course I was jealous.

Even though my parents were very dis-functional I always tried to look on the bright side and stay positive. Summers were always a lot of fun because my birthday was in the summer. My brother, neighborhood kids and I had lots of fun playing out side. We would jump off of roofs (probably not a good idea), play hide and go seek, jump rope, tag and of course swim. I loved my birthdays up until my seventh birthday. The whole day wasn’t too bad. I got a swimming pool for my birthday but before I really had a chance to enjoy it my brother poked a whole in it with his tonka dump truck. We didn’t even have it for a whole day. My parents were drinking along with everyone else and I knew that a fight could break out at any moment. So I was a little on edge. Well we had cake in the evening and my wish was for nothing bad to happen. Well after I blew out my candles they wanted to spank me ( you know the whole one swat for each year). I didn’t want them too because I was scared that they would spank too hard since they were drunk. Well they did it anyway and spanked so hard that I started crying. Everyone there took turns. I was so mad at them, especially my mom for letting them do this to me on my birthday, seeing that I was crying, seeing that I didn’t want it done, seeing that they were hurting me. I felt so betrayed by her. I think that was when I started not trusting my mom to protect me. During that summer my uncle Ron and I believe my grandma Karol (not sure about that) came to visit and my mom, brother and I packed up everything and moved to Careywood (I think that is how you spell it LOL) Idaho.

4 Comments:

Blogger Heather Rose said...

Wow, that left me heavy hearted! I cant believe ppl can be so damn mean, especially grown ups! making fun of a kid!! and mom not protecting you! Ahhh. I Love You So Much. ((hugs)) im practically in tears

8:17 PM  
Blogger christina said...

ohh don't cry silly, it was a long ass time ago. although that is one of the reasons i am writing this so slow LMAO

8:43 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Thanks for sharing your story with us. I feel so bad that you had to go through these things but you are a wonderful person despite it all. Keep writing.

9:12 PM  
Blogger christina said...

thanks sue. i am still battling whether to have it on here or not LOL. not sure what other ppl will think LOL. especially ppl on the forum.

7:22 AM  

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